For the past little while (two hours) I’ve been thinking about my future. What I want to do with my life and who I want to be.
Let me set the scene for what made me rethink my future plans.
I was sitting in my office reading an article about Lady Gaga in the latest issue of Who Weekly when my future husband walked in. I quickly muted Faith Hill and opened up an excel spreadsheet to impress him with my intelligence and my ability to operate such advanced technology the likes of which he could only dream of knowing how to use. Anyway, he was carrying a stuffed Winnie The Pooh doll. So I was instantly slightly aroused. Then, and I quote, he said “One of the kids told me it is her birthday today so I bought her this, do you mind giving it to her for me”.
I didn’t even know what to do. I got all choked up and I think he thought it was because the gift was really amazing, but in reality it was just because I was controlling my urge to jump on top of him.
ANYWAY, life changing decisions.
Usually I would just use my regular tactic and drop a few roofies in his drink and have my way with him. But he deserves more than that and I can’t get pregnant with his babies that way. So I’m going to move to Canada and become a woman (they’re into that “all people are equal” rubbish so I won’t feel like such a freak being a six foot four dude with facial hair and breast implants). Anyway, in a couple of years I’m going to come back and we are going to get married and I’m going to have his babies. I’m going to be such a good mother.
