January 2009
133 posts
“I want a burger so much more than I like my mother.”
– Andrew (via velveteendream)
This doesn’t even make sense now I’m sober. NOTHING DOES.
I just made my boss cry with the most amazing reason as to why I can’t work tomorrow. I won’t write it because it will make me seem like the most horrible person on earth. But srsly, she had tears and I get to go to a music festival. I think I just won life.
I just got paid and went to the shop and bought;
Deodorant
Condoms
Cigarettes
Whipped cream
Strawberries
The girl who was working at Woolworths laughed at me and was all “Enjoy your night. *WINK*” Don’t fucking judge me. If only my life was exciting as these ingredients make it out to be. Fatty just needed more cream and strawberries for his cheesecake ok?
thedarkspark:
Band of Horses - No One’s Gonna...
Reasons my mother is not to be trusted: Part Two
This is just like the time I went vegetarian for a while and she knew I had no money so she made me a quiche with bacon in it. I had to eat it because I actually had nothing else and zero dollars. Now she has made me a cheesecake. An ENTIRE cheesecake. I SEE THE MEANING BEHIND THIS GIFT STELLA. She’s trying to fatten me up so no one will ever sleep with me. That way she won’t have a...
I called in sick to a family dinner last night
Now my mum is bringing me a food package tomorrow to make me feel better? Being rewarded for lying is the best feeling.
Sir David Attenborough: religious viewers send me... →
mabelmoments:
How could anyone send David hate mail? Love Sir David.
“They always mean beautiful things like hummingbirds. I always reply by saying that I think of a little child in East Africa with a worm burrowing through his eyeball. The worm cannot live in any other way, except by burrowing through eyeballs. I find that hard to reconcile with the notion of a divine and benevolent...
Dear lesbians of the world
I’m really poor and this shit country won’t let me sell my semen. I’m willing to foot the bill to express post a cup of my love to you. $75 ONO
Mind Fuck < Regular Fuck
I just cried during a Jelena Dokic Australian Open...
I HAVE BECOME AN AUSTRALIAN. Gettin’ all patriotic and shit over sport. GIMME A FLAG FOR MA V8.
Fuck it
I wanted to write something amazing. I sat here for half an hour, typed three posts and then deleted them. I don’t really remember when I became this person.
Okay - Loveless
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-1-25) →
Okay (71)
Sunset Rubdown (31)
Kelly Osbourne (24)
Kylie Minogue (22)
The Kooks (21)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
I have to go to a 21st birthday party tonight
Things that are wrong with it
It’s in Ipswich
It’s my ex-girlfriend’s party (I know right)
It’s flower power themed
It involves lawn bowling
My mother is going to be there?
I currently feel the complete opposite to this
I have no money and I will have to be sober. SOBER in Ipswich with people from high school.
Gon shoot myself in the head by 7pm guys.
“You can’t make jokes about a dingo stealing babies, that was like...”
– Laura’s friend Ella. MY FAVOURITE PERSON EVER.
ALL OF THE SUDDEN I LOVE EVERYBODY OK.