No sleep
No time to get changed
Have to catch a plane
Spraying myself with citrus scented toilet air freshener seemed like a good idea 5 minutes ago
Now I just smell like a public urinal
Drunk.
Love life.
No sleep
No time to get changed
Have to catch a plane
Spraying myself with citrus scented toilet air freshener seemed like a good idea 5 minutes ago
Now I just smell like a public urinal
Drunk.
Love life.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Billy Joel - Piano Man
Look, I know this song is such a cliche but despite that it’s probably one of the best songs ever written.
Let’s forget about life for a while.
I bet Bindii ate her dad’s face. Look at her teeth. Given half an opportunity she would gnaw your face off too. Look at those teeth.
EDIT: THAT LITTLE HUSS IS NOT WEARING A HOODIE WITH HER NAME ON IT? NO WAY. Angers me more and more every day.
EDIT: THAT LITTLE HUSS IS NOT WEARING A HOODIE WITH HER NAME ON IT? NO WAY. Angers me more and more every day.
I just spent some time with my mother at the beach.
The arrow indicates where their beach house is.
I walked all that way so I could have a cigarette without being caught. If she caught me she would probably take away my only source of income. Her purse.
I’m 14 years old. Need my pocket money.
Partial unemployment is the best. More money than I’ve ever had before and I get to go on holidays.
The arrow indicates where their beach house is.
I walked all that way so I could have a cigarette without being caught. If she caught me she would probably take away my only source of income. Her purse.
I’m 14 years old. Need my pocket money.
Partial unemployment is the best. More money than I’ve ever had before and I get to go on holidays.
If it can’t talk I don’t want to deal with it.
What’s the deal with her neck?
Slut daughter from Hope and Faith was born a dude? Saggy neck because they took out her adam’s apple? I watched her interview on Letterman stoned and ALL I could see was her neck. I don’t remember the interview but I do remember her neck. It just kept jiggling. Born a man or half turkey? They are the only options. She needs to iron that shit out.
Slut daughter from Hope and Faith was born a dude? Saggy neck because they took out her adam’s apple? I watched her interview on Letterman stoned and ALL I could see was her neck. I don’t remember the interview but I do remember her neck. It just kept jiggling. Born a man or half turkey? They are the only options. She needs to iron that shit out.
Cat Deeley jumps for treats
Silly dog! Who knows what diseases you are going to catch from P!nk.
For the past little while (two hours) I’ve been thinking about my future. What I want to do with my life and who I want to be.
Let me set the scene for what made me rethink my future plans.
I was sitting in my office reading an article about Lady Gaga in the latest issue of Who Weekly when my future husband walked in. I quickly muted Faith Hill and opened up an excel spreadsheet to impress him with my intelligence and my ability to operate such advanced technology the likes of which he could only dream of knowing how to use. Anyway, he was carrying a stuffed Winnie The Pooh doll. So I was instantly slightly aroused. Then, and I quote, he said “One of the kids told me it is her birthday today so I bought her this, do you mind giving it to her for me”.
I didn’t even know what to do. I got all choked up and I think he thought it was because the gift was really amazing, but in reality it was just because I was controlling my urge to jump on top of him.
ANYWAY, life changing decisions.
Usually I would just use my regular tactic and drop a few roofies in his drink and have my way with him. But he deserves more than that and I can’t get pregnant with his babies that way. So I’m going to move to Canada and become a woman (they’re into that “all people are equal” rubbish so I won’t feel like such a freak being a six foot four dude with facial hair and breast implants). Anyway, in a couple of years I’m going to come back and we are going to get married and I’m going to have his babies. I’m going to be such a good mother.
- Me answering the phone while pausing Britain's Next Top Model : Hello?
- Old guy : Hi I was just making sure you are open today so I could make a donation
- Me : Oh sorry we are closed and the phone lines are down so our Eftpos doesn't work
- Old guy : But... you are there... and we are talking on the phone?
- Me : Oh umm yeah ummm well I...
- Old Guy : I'll call on Monday when you aren't so busy...
- Me as I unpaused Britain's Next Top Model and got back to eating leftover cake : Thanks. Fridays are always busy!
This photo is how I deal with hangovers. Suddenly life seems alright.
“i have never wanted to make out with chocolate cake ever. until you.”
— The effect I have on people
Another issue that has lost its flavour of the month status.
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